I have been looking back through some of my earlier entries here, 2 YEARS AGO!!, when I first started my blog here. All I can think to myself is, My God, how things change and happen over the years and how time passes by and it feels like days not years until you stop and look back at something like this.
When I first started my youngest boy was 3. How much he has changed and "grown up"! My oldest daughter was 19 and pregnant and I was talking about how she was soon to find out what it's like to be a mother and deal with all the challenges that go along with that.
I had 8 people at home, I am now down to 5. My 3 oldest ones have either moved out on their own, or in the case of my oldest boy, was thrown out against his will.
He turned 18 in March, but apparently back in December 2007, he turned 30 without us knowing. His dad was disciplining his 2 youngest siblings and for some reason he felt the need to step in and put in his 2 cents worth. My husband told him to shut-up it didn't concern him and he started mouthing back that his dad wasn't going to tell him to shut-up. Next thing you know he's stepping up to his dad and pushing him and in the next instant they are rolling around on the floor and his dad has in him a choke hold. I called his oldest sister and had her come and pick her brother up and get him out of here for about a week, then because he is my son and my responsibility I gave him the decision of either coming back home and straightening up, or was I going to have to go to the juvenile courts and have something done. (Before this he had cut the lock we had on his dirt bike and took off, then at 1:00am that morning he was chased down by the town police and only stopped after they had to draw their guns on him.) So, there was history before this incident with him testing his man-hood per se. He said he would come back home because he had no other choice. I told him you Always have a choice. He just apparently didn't care for the other choice. I told him he was to apologize to his father for going at him, he never did. Things were tense for the next 3 months at our house. He would not help out with any chores and his famous line became, when asked to do something, "Why? How is it going to benefit me?" He was told that since he felt the need to be such an adult, when he was 18 he would be moving out. He was failing all his classes in school and had been for a couple of years. He was sleeping in classes, mouthing off and swearing to his teachers, we just didn't know what to do anymore. So, a week after he turned 18 my second oldest daughter came down and picked him up to go live with her.
So now I'm down to my 13 yr old daughter, my 7 yr old daughter, and my 5 yr old son at home. How things change in 2 years!
My oldest daughter said the most wonderful thing to me one day, after having her son and dealing with a child of her own and being out in the "real" world, "Mom, I understand now. I see why you did the things you did with us, I understand now that you were right about a lot of things and it isn't easy being a mom."
I am still waiting for my next oldest daughter who just turned 19 to realize mom did know a thing or 2 about life lol . The day will eventually come I'm sure.
I may be waiting awhile on my son to come to that conclusion as he is still thinking life is one big party.
I pray everyday for God to keep an eye on my children and help lead them the right way on the path of life.
My mother , who back in the beginning of my blog hadn't been in the nursing home for too long yet, is still in the nursing home. She still doesn't understand that I am her guardian, that she is never going back to her home. She still says every now and then "I can't wait to get out of here and back home." She doesn't have a home anymore to go to. We had to sell her home to pay for her stay in the nursing home. She has no clue. I don't get along with her still to this day. She only sees me as her delivery person when she wants something. I guess that will never change. I was never her "real" daughter in her eyes. A lot of things have come out in the open between my dad and I about my being adopted though since this has all started with her. I still have no answers as to who I am or where I came from, but we did have a good talk and I understand, somewhat, why I was never told about being adopted from the start. Something that he was against the whole way, but felt he had to do to keep peace with my mother, his wife.
We are all settled into our house now, and it still feels like a dream that we are living here. Sometimes I just stand outside and look around and think "Is this really mine?" I have always had the dream to live out in the country. It gives me such a peaceful feeling and I feel so close to God out here. It's so amazing to me how big the sky can be out here, how small I feel in this vast place. I am at a loss for words really on how to describe the feelings I get deep, down inside but it is just an awesome feeling to me.
Well, I need to get my daughter ready for school so I will be back later to go on and on and on lol about how much things have changed for me in the last 2 years.